132: Body Shame and Your Sex Life: It’s Not Your Fault, and Only You Can Fix It
Send us Fan Mail Body shame is pervasive, especially for women but increasingly for everyone, and it gets in the way of much more than how we feel in a swimsuit. It gets in the way of presence, pleasure, and our capacity for real connection. This is the first episode in a series I'm doing […]
133: The Dependency Wound: When Care Was Never Something You Could Count On
Send us Fan Mail Most of us learned early on whether care was something we could count on. And when the answer was unreliable, we did what smart, adaptive human children do: we picked a coping strategy and got very good at it. There are two main choices children make: pursue harder, or stop needing. […]
131: The Safety Wound: When Your Body Was Never Home
Send us Fan Mail Part 2 of the Attachment Wounds & Erotic Emotions Series Maybe you have a tendency to intellectualize or spiritualize your experience, but not always fully feel it. Or maybe you can only really arrive in your body when something intense is happening. This episode is about how that happens, how it […]
130: Beyond Anxious and Avoidant: Here’s What’s Actually Driving Your Desires
Send us Fan Mail That thing that turns you on but you've never quite been able to explain? Or the relationship dynamic you keep recreating? Those aren't random. And they aren't fully explained by your attachment style. This is the introduction episode for a series on attachment wounds and erotic desires. Before we get into […]
129: What Makes a Great Lover? Research Shows It’s These 8 Traits
Send us Fan Mail If you're searching for how to be a better lover, chances are you're encountering a lot of opinions that aren't rooted in fact. Most of us absorbed a version of what makes a great lover without ever being taught it — from movies, porn, romance novels, and a culture that never […]
128: When Parenting Your Partner is Killing Your Desire
Send us Fan Mail You love your partner. You're pretty sure you're still attracted to them. So why does your body say no — and why does it feel so connected to the fact that you've reminded them three times this week to do one thing? It is connected. The slow creep of feeling like […]
127: Even Light Power Play Needs a Negotiation (Here’s How to Make It Sexy)
Send us Fan Mail Most people who are experimenting with power play and BDSM aren't doing anything extreme. They're just two people who trust each other, trying to “spice it up.” But skipping the negotiation conversation because it feels like it has to be a mood killer is a rookie move that can lead to […]
126: Joy and Pleasure After Sexual Self-Abandonment
Send us Fan Mail Sexual self-abandonment is what happens when we stop having sex for ourselves. We may or may not actually stop having sex — we might be doing it for someone else. For their desire, on their timeline, their idea of what sex should look like, while our own wants, our own pace, […]
125: What Two Feminist Relationship Coaches See in Heated Rivalry, with Maggie Reyes
Send us Fan Mail It's Pride Month, and I am celebrating with my dear friend and fellow feminist relationship coach Maggie Reyes by doing something I've been wanting to do anyway: sit down and talk about Heated Rivalry — the show, the books, why we love them, and what they actually teach us about real […]
124: From Avoiding Sex to Loving It: Real Client Data
Send us Fan Mail If you've been wondering whether your sex life can actually be different, this is the evidence. This episode is like the before and after photos you've been needing that real people get real change. We're going into details about specific goals and what actually changes when people do real, structured work […]