You love your partner. You're pretty sure you're still attracted to them. So why does your body say no — and why does it feel so connected to the fact that you've reminded them three times this week to do one thing?
It is connected. The slow creep of feeling like your partner's parent is one of the most consistent desire-killers I see in my practice. In this episode I'm breaking down the three forms it takes, where each one comes from, and what actually moves the needle — whether you're the one carrying the household or the one wondering why your partner never wants sex anymore.
In this episode:
- The three patterns I see most: chore-based parenting, “good-boy syndrome,” and anxiety-based reassurance-seeking — and how to recognize which one you're in
- Why your nervous system cannot be in caretaking mode and erotic mode at the same time, and why wanting to want your partner isn't enough to override that
- The flip side: why the person in the “child role” often has high desire and gets stuck in a loop they can't see from the inside
- Where this comes from — work-life balance issues, patriarchy and male learned helplessness on one end; the developmental roots of not being able to self-soothe on the other
- Why the frustrated-complaints approach keeps not working — and what I've seen actually work instead
- What moving out of this dynamic looks like, depending on which side of it you're on
Topics: parenting your partner, desire killer, low libido, not attracted to partner, emotional labor, mental load, resentment and desire, nervous system and sex drive, somatic intimacy coach, intimacy coach, relationship coach, male learned helplessness, self-soothing, attachment anxiety
Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and “Shoulds” Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide
More links:
Substack at https://laurajurgens.substack.com/
Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/
About me, testimonials, blog, bookings: https://laurajurgens.com/
Wheel of Erotic emotions, go to: https://laurajurgens.com/wheel
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