BDSM negotiation: what happens when you skip it, and how to do it right
There’s a version of BDSM negotiation that gets taught as homework: sit down with a checklist, compare your yes/no/maybe lists. Maybe you even write up a contract, file it somewhere. It sounds organized. It also sounds like the least sexy thing imaginable, which is probably why so many couples skip it — or do a […]
Why ‘Love Should Be Effortless’ Is Ruining Your Relationship
I’m going to ask you something that may be uncomfortable: What are you willing to invest in your most important relationship? I’m talking about real investment. Time, money, effort, and attention. The whole deal. That’s what “doing the work” actually means. And I know some of you are already thinking: “Laura, shouldn’t love be free? […]
Why Obligation Sex Is Harming Your Relationship (And What to Do Instead)
Let me be direct about this: If you’re having obligation sex, you are harming yourself and your relationship. I know that sounds harsh. And I say it with compassion, because I understand why you’re doing it. I’ve been there. You don’t want to disappoint your partner. You don’t want to deal with their hurt feelings […]
Top 10 Mistakes People Make with a Desire Discrepancy . . . (and What to Do Instead)
After years of working with couples on mismatched desire—and recording 100 episodes of my podcast on this exact topic—I’ve noticed something: the same patterns show up over and over again. These aren’t random mistakes. They’re strategies that make perfect sense in the moment. You’re scared. You’re desperate to fix things. You’re using the only tools […]