BDSM negotiation: what happens when you skip it, and how to do it right
There’s a version of BDSM negotiation that gets taught as homework: sit down with a checklist, compare your yes/no/maybe lists. Maybe you even write up a contract, file it somewhere. It sounds organized. It also sounds like the least sexy thing imaginable, which is probably why so many couples skip it — or do a […]
Why ‘Love Should Be Effortless’ Is Ruining Your Relationship
I’m going to ask you something that may be uncomfortable: What are you willing to invest in your most important relationship? I’m talking about real investment. Time, money, effort, and attention. The whole deal. That’s what “doing the work” actually means. And I know some of you are already thinking: “Laura, shouldn’t love be free? […]
How to Stop Trying to Fix Your Partner and Start Fixing the Dynamic
This is the foundational mistake that underlies almost everything else when it comes to desire discrepancies. When there’s a desire gap in your relationship, it’s incredibly tempting to locate the problem in one person. Usually, it’s the partner who wants less sex who gets labeled as “the problem.” The logic seems obvious: If only […]
Top 10 Mistakes People Make with a Desire Discrepancy . . . (and What to Do Instead)
After years of working with couples on mismatched desire—and recording 100 episodes of my podcast on this exact topic—I’ve noticed something: the same patterns show up over and over again. These aren’t random mistakes. They’re strategies that make perfect sense in the moment. You’re scared. You’re desperate to fix things. You’re using the only tools […]