This episode is about autism and sex, autism and intimacy, and the myths that keep autistic people from seeing what they bring to relationships. It's the first in a series on autism and relationships.
A pattern I see in my work with autistic clients and their partners is that they come to me sure that the autism is the problem. It's usually not. There are usually just some specific needs to be addressed and some specific strengths to capitalize on. Plus, most autistic people I work with benefit from even stronger doses of what neurotypical people benefit from: clear communication, practice, and a plan.
In this episode:
- Why “aromantic,” “asexual,” “no empathy” and “not interested in partnership” don't describe autistic people as a group at all
- The double empathy problem: autistic and non-autistic people misread each other in both directions, and only one side gets called deficient
- Why asexuality, demisexuality, queerness and gender fluidity show up more often in autistic people, and why none of that is a problem to solve
- The autistic strengths that also make great lovers
- Sensory needs in sex (lighting, sound, smell, texture, pressure, pacing) and how to negotiate them like any other preference
- Why needing sensory downtime is not rejecting your partner
- What my client actually needed: not better “reading,” but explicit questions, practice, and a plan
Nothing about being autistic is a problem for relationships and intimacy. You have specific needs, like everyone else, and what's unique about you is likely what makes you a fantastic partner.
Topics: autism and sex, autism and intimacy, neurodivergent relationships, double empathy problem, sensory needs, consent
Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and “Shoulds” Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide
Follow me on Substack for deeper dives into the research and notes from my practice at https://laurajurgens.substack.com/
The Guide to Finding Your Secret Turn-Ons includes the Wheel of Erotic Emotions: https://laurajurgens.com/wheel
© Laura Jurgens, PhD, Pleasure Uprising. Quote with attribution and a link to the original. No reproduction in full and no use for AI training.
