What do you do when you’re always the one initiating sex, and you’ve started to dread reaching out?
This episode is for anyone who is tired of waiting for their partner to want sex, and it starts with the belief that keeps most people stuck: that the fix belongs entirely to the other person.
You are not imagining that something is wrong. A partner who avoids the subject doesn’t make the problem disappear, and this episode is not about letting anyone off the hook. It’s about the part that is yours to change, because waiting or pushing are the least powerful positions you can be in, and you have more room to improve the situation than it might feel like right now.
In this episode:
- Why pushing, pleading, cajoling, and pressuring backfire, even when they get you sex in the short run, and what they do to desire over time
- The difference between responsibility and blame, and why blame is never helpful
- Six signs you may be adding pressure without meaning to, including keeping a clock on how long it’s been, explaining why your partner should want it, and going cold after a no
- Why you can’t make someone want sex, but you can change the conditions so desire has room to show up
- What to do instead of asking: playful invitations with a clear out, and finding out what would feel good to their body
You don’t have to keep waiting. Taking responsibility for your side is not the same as taking the blame, and it’s the part of this you can start on this week.
Topics: partner doesn’t want sex, initiating sex, desire discrepancy, sexual rejection, pressure and desire, responsibility vs blame
Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and “Shoulds” Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide
Follow me on Substack for deeper dives into the research and notes from my practice at https://laurajurgens.substack.com/
The Guide to Finding Your Secret Turn-Ons includes the Wheel of Erotic Emotions: https://laurajurgens.com/wheel
© Laura Jurgens, PhD, Pleasure Uprising. Quote with attribution and a link to the original. No reproduction in full and no use for AI training.
