A man came to me because his marriage was close enough to over that they'd both used the word divorce. Underneath the resentment and the withdrawal and the fights about everything else was this: his erections came and went. Sometimes they softened partway through. Sometimes they didn't show up.
That is normal. It happens to men at every age. But he was so ashamed of it that he avoided sex with his wife for ten years. She had guessed, and she had told him more than once that it did not matter to her. He did not believe her.
We solved it in about four sessions. None of the actual problems were about his penis. They were about the shame, the silence, the misdirected anger, and the avoidance.
This is the third episode in my body shame series, and it's the one for people with penises. I'm giving you the real numbers on size, hardness, and duration, because they are nothing like what porn taught you. Then I'm going through each specific worry with a fix that gets you both more pleasure and less anxiety.
In this episode:
- Where penis shame comes from, and what porn does to your subconscious when you don't get better information
- The actual average erect length, from clinician-measured data on over 55,000 men, plus what's normal variation (hint: 3″ is as normal as 7″)
- Why 85% of women are satisfied with their partner's size while only 55% of men are satisfied with their own, and what to do about size, regardless of yours
- The single change that solves lasting-longer anxiety better than any technique, and why stopping sex when you orgasm is the real problem
- Why 75 to 80% of women don't orgasm from penetration alone, and what that means for where your anxiety is aimed
- How performance anxiety physically restricts blood flow, and why you cannot will an erection into existence by worrying at it
- Specific fixes for size concerns, a genuinely small penis, erections that fluctuate, delayed ejaculation, aging, and lower desire
- What women consistently report actually caring about
Your penis was never the problem. Don't spend any more years of your life creating unnecessary misery because of shame about it.
Topics: erectile dysfunction anxiety, penis size, delayed ejaculation, premature ejaculation, how to last longer, what women want in bed
Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and “Shoulds” Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide
More links:
Substack at https://laurajurgens.substack.com/
Wheel of Erotic emotions, go to: https://laurajurgens.com/wheel
Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.
