Around 40, I realized I felt disgust about my own genitals. I'd been carrying middle school bullies' words about female bodies in my head for more than thirty years without ever once questioning them, and it wasn't until I started trying to reclaim my own sexuality that it smacked me in the face. It's very hard to feel pleasure in a part of your body you feel bad about.
If any of that lands, you are in extremely good company, and I want you to know it is not personal, not yours alone, and not permanent.
This episode covers where female genital shame comes from, why it's more layered than penis shame, and the exact four-step process I used to repair my own relationship with my vulva. Plus the myths worth dismantling on the way: that vulvas are dirty, that porn vulvas resemble real ones, and that “vagina” is the right word for the parts that actually give you pleasure.
A scope note: this episode addresses cis women's experience specifically. Trans people with vulvas face distinct and important challenges with genital shame that deserve dedicated coverage, and I'm working with a trans colleague on a collaborative episode on that.
In this episode:
- Where vulva shame comes from, and the strange contradiction at the center of it — women are the only sex with an organ that exists purely for our own pleasure
- Why middle school is so often where genital shame gets installed, and what's actually going on for the boys doing the installing
- The dirty myth, and why calling a vulva dirty makes about as much sense as calling a flower dirty
- Why porn vulvas aren't real-world vulvas, and how to normalize the actual range
- Vulva versus vagina, why the distinction matters for your pleasure, and how to pick language that works for you
- My four-step repair process: acknowledging the harm, normalizing through exposure, mirror work, and a daily gratitude practice
- The eviction exercise — identifying whose voice is actually in your head, and taking away their vote
There is no downside to loving your genitals. None. And on the other side of that shame is considerably more pleasure than you currently have access to.
Topics: vulva shame, genital shame, body shame, female anatomy, vulva vs vagina, labia, porn myths, sexual shame, somatic sex coach, feminist sex coach, women's pleasure, intimacy coach Asheville
Resource Links: https://www.labialibrary.org.au/labia_gallery/
https://www.all-vulvas-are-beautiful.com/
https://www.thevulvagallery.com
Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and “Shoulds” Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide
More links:
Substack at https://laurajurgens.substack.com/
Wheel of Erotic emotions, go to: https://laurajurgens.com/wheel
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